helping high-achieving women who grew up as the “responsible one” that people “didn’t have to worry about”

Haley Tolman, LICSW

IFS & EMDR Therapist in Utah & Massachusetts

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Let's Connect

The over-thinking, sense of responsibility & big emotions can feel overwhelming.

You want to respond, not react. You care about your relationships and don’t want to keep repeating negative patterns.

I get it.

I also know you’re very independent & asking for help can be difficult…

If you’re looking for a therapist who gets it AND can help you heal the roots of your people-pleasing, past trauma & relationship fears - then you’re in the right place!

A woman with long, dark, wavy hair smiling, wearing a white shirt and beige blazer, standing against a plain white background.

hi, I’m haley

I’m a certified EMDR and IFS therapist & consultant who specializes in working with high-achieving women who grew up in dysfunctional families.

I help women who feel stuck repeating the same patterns, even though they are insightful & self-aware.

I work with women who were “the good kid” that tried to help everyone else, keep the peace & not “be a burden.”

Many of my clients have tried talk therapy before & feel ready to go deeper - to finally heal at root.

    • scan a room to see who’s upset or having a bad day

    • take responsibility for what other people were feeling

    • strive for perfection & never disappoint anyone

    • be easy, keep the peace, and make people proud of your accomplishments

    Learn more about How to Deal with Emotionally Immature Parents here

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How I work

I truly welcome every part of you in therapy…yes, even “those” parts

You’re probably thinking “okay, sure…you say that, but what about my mean inner critic? Or my crippling anxiety? Or the parts of me that constantly need reassurance that they’re not messing up or doing therapy wrong?”

  • Yep! I genuinely mean every part of you. I’d be honored to get to know them and even hear from the parts of you that are angry, resentful, hurt, and alone.

If you’re hyper-independent and don’t want to bother other people, I’d tell you there’s probably a good reason for that. And yet, I know that being the one who’s over-functioning, doing all the emotional labor in your relationships, and feeling unseen is exhausting. My job is to help you get to know these parts of yourself better & help them heal.

First

We’ll get to know each other. We’ll talk about what goals are important to you for therapy & address any fears or concerns that you might have.

Then

We’ll explore the internal dynamics and patterns you’re stuck in. We will identify any internal blocks and pinpoint past experiences that are still impacting you today.

Next

We will move through the roadmap we created together to help you feel calmer, more confident & less stuck. I’ll help you access more self-compassion & curiosity during the process.

Finally

We’ll determine what other supports might be helpful. Then you can reflect on new insights you’ve gained, embrace new positive beliefs, and release pain you’ve been holding onto for years.

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I want you to know that…

My training in trauma, IFS, and EMDR therapy means I have the experience to help you do the deep work, and finally see change. I truly care about helping you feel better.

I also want you to know that you’re working with someone who gets what it means to be a deep-feeler & over-thinker. I get it, because that’s me too. Hi!

In my experience, trauma work requires a safe space, choice in the process, and moving gently through the tough stuff. Painful experiences have an impact, but it doesn’t mean they define who you are or have to keep you stuck. To learn more about the therapy modalities I use, check-out EMDR and IFS therapy below.

IFS Therapy
EMDR Therapy

Therapy with me is…

  • I genuinely believe in the power of compassion. I’ve seen how it can transform the way we feel towards ourself and others.

    I will approach your unique challenges with COMPASSION, not criticism.

  • I have specific training that helps us go beyond coping skills and talk therapy. I will help you make sense of your inner world and reduce the impact of stressful past experiences.

    I’m here to guide you through the process and get to the root of your challenges. No temporary bandaids or telling you to " just try harder" here.

  • I understand the need to move gently through challenging experiences and emotions, so it's not too overwhelming.

    I provide as much choice as possible to you through the process, while still maintaining a focus on your goals.

    I want you to see the change you are looking for, while still listening to your own needs during the process.

  • My holistic approach means I'm making space for all parts of you, even the ones you don’t like. I help you connect to them, so you have more clarity on your inner experience.

    I consider your overall physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual wellness - not a diagnosis.

  • I'm LGBTQ+ affirming, and welcome all races, religions, and backgrounds in my practice.

    I strive to be inclusive and informed on the biases I might hold with each of my clients.

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I specialize in:

Anxiety

Trauma

Relationship Challenges

Highly Sensitive People

My Training & Education

Certification badge for IFS Institute Certified Therapist in Internal Family Systems therapy.

  • -Master of Social Work - Boston College

    -Bachelor of Social Work - Utah State University

    • Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW)- Massachusetts License #: LICSW1142133 

    • Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) -

      Utah License #: 12396181-3501

  • -IFS Therapy:

    • Level 1- IFS Institute

    • Level 2- IFS Institute

    • IFSI Program assistant for IFS level 1 trainings

    • Participation in ongoing IFS consultation

    • IFS & Highly Sensitive People: Martina Williams training

    -EMDR Therapy:

    • EMDR Consultant-in-training (CIT)

    • Certified EMDR therapist: EMDRIA

    • EMDR basic training: EMDR-HAP

    • EMDR Advanced Trainings:

      • EMDR & Complex Trauma

      • Treating Dissociative Disorders with EMDR

      • EMDR for Suicidal & Self-Harming Behaviors

      • Mastering EMDR Therapy Intensives

    -Therapy Intensives:

    • Therapy intensive training for therapists - Intensive Design Lab

    • Mastering EMDR Therapy Intensives

Ready to work with me?

Get Started